Oligo Woe Is Me

…waiting for the time to come.

It is now about 2am Thursday early morning. While I try to keep myself completely occupied with other things (sleeping doesn’t count because i just lay there and think), there is a constant hyper-thread running through my consciousness about what we are going to learn during our meetings at Mass General this Friday. I feel that the closer it gets, the harder it is becoming to avoid the human nature to speculate. I’ve had a lifelong obsession with speculation what I was going to speculate about whenever I felt the urge to speculate. Well, not this time. I knew that I needed to just completely focus my energy on something else. Anything else. But here I sit. 2:02am. And I’m just being pulled in like a moth to a flame. So I decided to blog about my overwhelming urge to begin a speculate-a-thon. Or maybe I can find a good Jerry Lewis movie on Netflix. What would Jerry do?

Anyway, this Friday we meet with The A-Team over there in Boston to gain knowledge and perspective about just exactly what we’re dealing with here. The tests have been done, the computers have analyzed the data, and the experts and surgeons have met and reviewed what’s what. But we don’t get the debrief until Friday beginning at 12:30 in the afternoon. It’s going to be a long morning. Easy on the coffee. Easy on the everything. The bitch of it all is that the “news” can be as far reaching as tapping out on either end of the possibilities. Could be good, could be not so good, could be downright devastating. Just simply won’t know until the meetings get to that stage. At which point any speculation becomes obsolete and the focus radically shifts gears into decision making time.

I guess I really don’t know what Jerry would do. Or actually really care. But I think I’ll forego the speculation for just this one more sunrise and sit down at my piano for the next few hours waiting for the the day to get here. With any luck I’ll wake up with piano key marks indented into my forehead. Might be a good look for me. I’ll let you know.

Great tune by David Crosby. One thing I’m giving myself as a treat is growing out all my hair and let it have some freedom from the same quasi-business-but-longer-wanna-be thing I’ve been doing for like a decade. So next time you see me I may look a little more fly away than usual. Just go with it.

Almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day
It was getting kind of long
I could have said it was in my way

But I didn’t and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
And I feel like I owe it to someone

Must be because I had the flu for Christmas
And I’m not feeling up to par
It increases my paranoia
Like looking into a mirror and seeing a police car

But I’m not giving in an inch to fear
Cos I promised myself this year
I feel like I owe it to someone

When I finally get myself together
I’m gonna get down in some of that sweet summer weather
I’m going to find a space inside to laugh
Separate the wheat from the chaff

Cos I feel like I owe it, yeah
Said I feel like I owe it, yeah
You know I feel—- like I owe it yeah to someone